Why Wait

Why Save Sex?
Most people do not believe that teens and adult singles can keep from having sex outside of marriage. Society promotes condoms as "safe sex." Then, when the contraception fails, abortion is offered as the obvious solution to an "untimely" pregnancy.

Safe sex is a myth.
The safe sex myth promises that if you take a pill or, wear a condom, you will be safe from pregnancies and diseases. This is NOT true!

Many individuals have become pregnant and have contracted STDs while relying on pills, condoms, and other devices for protection. Countless people are dealing with the emotional affects.

Is it really possible to save sex for marriage?
Yes! In fact, the number of young people choosing abstinence is increasing! 54% of 9th - 12th grade students in our country are virgins - they have never had sex! Of the 46% who have had sex, many of those young people are choosing to start over (sometimes called secondary virginity). Teens today are choosing abstinence to avoid the physical consequences (such as Sexually Transmitted Diseases and pregnancy) as well as to avoid the emotional complications that sexual intercourse brings into a relationship.

Why Wait for Marriage?
First, if you are sexually active or considering having sex, ask yourself "Why have sex?" Why are you choosing to have sex? Is it a way to express love? Are you having intercourse because you feel pressure from your boyfriend/girlfriend or your peers? Maybe you feel sex is just the "next step" in your relationship. Be honest with yourself as you look at why you are choosing to be sexually active. Then, ask yourself, "is sexual intercourse fulfilling that reason?" Does it make you feel more loved? Is pressure ever a reason to choose this?

As you think about your future marriage, undoubtedly, you desire to have a life-long marriage filled with love and faithfulness. Picture yourself eighty years old and still madly in love with your spouse! You deserve the best in life!

Having sex prior to marriage can put your future goals at risk. Pregnancy, STD's and emotional effects all can occur with sex outside of marriage. These can and will affect your future marriage (as well as many of your other goals).

If you make a choice to be abstinent until marriage it means that you are choosing to reserve sexual expression for your future spouse. By being abstinent you are protecting yourself physically (from pregnancy and STD's) as well as emotionally (sex is not just about the physical act - it involves our hearts)! Waiting for marriage tells your future spouse that you have made a decision to love and protect them even before you knew them!

Love and sex are not the same thing. True love is about commitment and friendship. It means knowing and respecting the total person - not just their physical person. True love always respects another's decision to wait. If you are being pressured, ask yourself, "Do they love me?"

What about oral sex?
Some people view oral sex as a "safe alternative" to sexual intercourse. Oral sex is not an abstinent behavior. It carries risks (you can get STD's and the emotional consequences can occur) and it is sex!

But isn't being sexually intimate a way of showing real love?
It's only one of MANY ways and intimate sex before marriage can risk the future happiness of the people involved. Would real love risk your future happiness or your partners?

Intimate sexual activity outside marriage can lead to ANY one or MORE of the following:

• Pregnancy, possibly resulting in a "fast" wedding, many of which end in divorce, heartbreak and disappointment.
  
• Abortion, the killing of another beautiful, unique person like yourself.
  
• Sexually Transmitted Diseases that could permanently damage your health.
  
• Adverse effects from the pill and other contraceptives, some of which cause early abortion and create permanent health hazards for women.
  
• Loss of self-respect at a time when you are just beginning to develop a sense of who you are.
  
• Exploitation by persons interested only in their own self gratification.
  
• Feelings of guilt, doubt, hatred, depression or disappointment towards yourself and your partner.
  
• Loss of reputation when you want acceptance; premature stunting of future opportunities for education, career and family; or relationships with friends, family, etc.
  
• Depletion of energy vitally needed in other areas; such as study, work and creative activities.
  

What does it take to say "No" to sex before marriage?

• It takes courage to choose and stick to chastity.
  You need self-control and the ability to say "no" to yourself even if your desires say "yes!"
• It takes courage to stand up for your own right to choose chastity even when peers and perhaps your boyfriend/girlfriend exert a lot of pressure in the other direction.
  
• You need to plan ahead to stay out of situations that endanger might lead to sexual activity.
  
• You'll need strength to stick to your decision even when it would be much, much easier to give in to peer pressure and individual desires.
  
• Abstinence takes honesty-being who you are and saying what you mean.
  
• Abstinence takes leadership-inviting one or more other people to follow your example.
  

How to say "No" to sex before marriage:

• You must say "no" with authority and conviction so that it can never be interpreted as a maybe or even as a teasing invitation.
  
• You must say "no" before you even go out on a date with someone. Communicate your standards before you are in a tempting situation.
  
• Abstinence must be a definite decision you make so that you are ready to say "no" when and if the need arises.
  
• Your body language must also say "no". You can't say "no" with your voice and then flirt by saying "yes" with your eyes or your hands.
  
• What you wear must also say "no". Clothes give off loud and clear messages. By dressing modestly you ask for respect for yourself and you show respect.
  
• Don't drink. Alcohol quickly lowers your defenses and makes saying "no" very difficult.
  

Find a friend or adult who will hold you accountable to your decision to wait.

Remember to value yourself. Do not date anyone who does not respect you or your decision to wait! You are an incredible person and you deserve the best!

Consider group or double dates. There is safety in numbers! You are less likely to end up alone and in a situation where things might lead further than you intend if you're with other friends.

Do something physical to remind you of your decision - sign a pledge card, wear a ring, write a letter to your future spouse. You are more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down!

Remember, what you say, and how you act send out messages. All these messages must be saying "no" at the same time for the message to work.

What if I've already had sex?
It is never too late to make a healthy decision. You can make a decision to wait from this day forward! You can never erase the physical past, but you can stop exposing yourself to the risk of pregnancy and STD's (remember to get tested and to deal with any sexually transmitted diseases you may already have). While you cannot erase the physical past, you can start to heal emotionally and to reclaim the gift of your sexuality.

If you would like to start over, read the suggestions above on how to be abstinent and what it takes. Even if you are currently in a relationship where you are sexually active, if your boyfriend/girlfriend loves you they will respect you and your decision to wait. True love loves you for you, not for what you can do for them!

You are worth waiting for!

Respect yourself, and your body, and you'll find others do too! You are special!

Chastity is 100 percent reliable. Chastity means refraining from sexual activity before marriage. It means having sexual intercourse with your spouse in marriage. It also means not having sexual intercourse with anyone other than your spouse. Chastity makes it impossible for the unmarried to become pregnant. Chastity makes it impossible to contract a STD through intercourse.

H.E.A.R.T. - Please click here for Heart Education and Relationship Training Information.

If you would like to make a plan for abstinence and would like to talk to someone for support or guidance, feel free to contact Birthline by phone 320-252-4150 or infoheart@birthline.org