HEART - Teens

Teens | Parents | Teachers

Think everybody’s doing it?
They’re NOT!

Yes! In fact, the number of young people choosing abstinence is increasing! 54% of 9th - 12th grade students in our country are virgins - they have never had sex! Of the 46% who have had sex, many of those young people are choosing to start over (sometimes called secondary virginity). Teens today are choosing abstinence to avoid the physical consequences (such as Sexually Transmitted Diseases and pregnancy) as well as to avoid the emotional complications that sexual intercourse brings into a relationship.

Choose what’s best for you and your future.
Stick with Abstinence!

Why Wait?

Wondering why you should wait? Well first of all, if you are sexually active or considering having sex, ask yourself "Why have sex?"
 

• Why are you choosing to have sex?
• Is it a way to express love?
• Are you having intercourse because you feel pressure from your boyfriend/girlfriend or your peers?
• Is It because you feel sex is just the "next step" in your relationship?

Be honest with yourself as you look at why you are choosing to be or considering being sexually active. Then, ask yourself, "is sexual intercourse fulfilling that reason?" Does it make you feel more loved or are you being pressured into it?

As you think about your future marriage, undoubtedly, you desire to have a life-long marriage filled with love and faithfulness. Picture yourself eighty years old and still madly in love with your spouse! You deserve the best in life!

Having sex prior to marriage can put your future goals at risk. Pregnancy, STD's and emotional effects all can occur with sex outside of marriage. These can and will affect your future marriage (as well as many of your other goals).

If you make a choice to be abstinent until marriage it means that you are choosing to reserve sexual expression for your future spouse. By being abstinent you are protecting yourself physically (from pregnancy and STD's) as well as emotionally (sex is not just about the physical act - it involves our hearts)!

Waiting for marriage tells your future spouse that you have made a decision to love and protect them even before you knew them!

Love vs. Crush

And since we’re talking about love, it’s important to realize that love and sex are not the same thing. True love is about commitment and friendship. It means knowing and respecting the total person - not just their physical person. True love always respects another's decision to wait. If you are being pressured, ask yourself, "Do they love me?"

Safe Sex?

Safe sex is a myth. The truth is that there is no such thing as safe sex, there are ways to make sex safer but you can never make it 100% safe. The safe sex myth promises that if you take a pill or, wear a condom, you will be safe from pregnancies and diseases. This is NOT true!

Contraception will let you down. Many individuals have become pregnant and have contracted STDs while relying on pills, condoms, and other devices for protection. Countless people are dealing with the emotional affects of having sex outside of marriage…condoms and birth control do nothing to guard you from these!
 

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

SET DEFINITE BOUNDARIES TO DETERMINE HOW FAR IS TOO FAR!
As you think about where you want to set your boundaries, you need to realize that sex is far more than sexual intercourse. Abstinence is not just about avoiding intercourse, there are other ways to get physical. I am sure you are familiar with this, you have seen it on TV or in the movies, a sexual encounter usually begins with hot passionate kissing and then progresses. This progression can be broken down as follows:
 

Being Together » Holding Hands » Simple Kiss » Prolonged Kiss » French Kiss » Sexual Stimulation » Sexual Intercourse

The reality is that the farther you go, the harder it will be to stop. It is so important to think about where you want your boundaries to be now because in the heat of the moment you will not be in the right frame of mind to make the best decision. So think about what you want to save for your future spouse. Set very specific and clear boundaries for your relationships and make sure you are able to communicate them with your partner.
 

Secondary Virginity

Someone can reclaim their virginity even after it is given away. It is never too late to decide to make a pledge for abstinence. Of course, one still has to face the consequences for earlier sexual activity like STDs, pregnancy, and the possible emotional scars. Many teens, however, decide that they no longer want to risk their health and well-being, so they decide to take a different route and choose abstinence! It is possible to start over and you are worth waiting for!

Remember that it’s not our past history that defines us but our future direction.

Livin’ It Out

If you are ready to make the commitment to abstinence be ready for a challenge. It is no walk in the park but it is possible! Here are some hints for sticking to it.

• Write it down
• Believe in yourself
• Be assertive
• Set your boundaries TODAY
• Plan out what you will do on your dates
• Communicate clearly with those you date
• Keep the focus on the friendship instead of on what’s physical
• Avoid alcohol and drugs
• Tell someone you trust who will support you and can help hold you accountable

The bottom line is that if you want to stick with abstinence its going to take communication, commitment and self-control. We believe you have it in you!

Questions?

You may contact HEART via e-mail at infoheart@birthline.org or by phone (320)252-4150. Otherwise contact us via facebook and myspace!

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